…and into my car (that line’s got a real serial killer vibe), Sorry, I can’t NOT do that, but this blog post has absolutely nothing to do with that song, or any song. Over the past week I’ve had so many ideas for blog posts and I’ve kept them as a list in my “Notes”…then the list kept growing until I got overwhelmed with ideas and just didn’t write at all. So then I decided “well that’s stupid, because you just keep having more ideas, and the list keeps growing and getting more overwhelming. Just start writing damnit.” So that’s what I’m doing.

I struggle a lot with unrealistic expectations, mostly of myself. It’s something that’s talked about in my therapy sessions a lot, and my therapist reminds me that I’m not a Stepford mom. She closed our last session by asking me to write down 5 of my recent expectations, so that I could see how ridiculous (my word, she said something nicer like ‘unrealistic’) they were. I figure that maybe some others could also appreciate how ridiculous they are…so without further ado, here are my ridiculous expectations:

1. “I will have my entire house unpacked and put back together before Christmas.” Like what the fuck? If a friend said that to me, I’d say “Um, it’s okay to take some time because I swear all the kids care about as far as Christmas is the tree & gifts.” So that’s what I did. I put together the tv room, so that we had room for the tree and stockings. Our bedrooms were mostly put together, and I had the bathrooms as together as they could be. The kitchen is an entire wreck and no one cares.

2. “I shouldn’t ever lose my temper or raise my voice with the kids ever.” I have a lot of mom guilt, like A LOT a lot. Rationally I know that I’m a survivor of religious abuse and domestic abuse, and that affected my parenting; emotionally, well I feel like I should be perfect since I adopted them and they went through so much before me…not to mention the abuse they endured while I was married to Preston. Instead, I work on forgiving myself when I make parenting mistakes and I work HARD to have open communication with my kids. I apologize to them. I talk openly (and appropriately) about my mental health issues. I accept them 100% for who they are, and I love them unconditionally; and I make sure they know that.

3. “We’ll eat family dinners around the table every night, or at least most nights.” Well that is ridiculous. Both of my kids are neurodiverse and I have misophonia, so we need other things to focus on, not just eating. We eat at the coffee table, watching tv, and chatting about our day. It’s honestly more effective in building a relationship with them too, because they talk more freely when we’re engaged in something else at the same time. Plus, we’ve had some INCREDIBLE conversations thanks to South Park.

4. “My kids will only have 2 hours of screen time a day.” That’s hilarious, and is definitely not anything that I stick to…I don’t even limit my screen time that much. Are they gaming? Yep, but they’re also teaching themselves about their passions. Plus, as a solo parent I quite frankly need some time to myself and screens keep them happy.

5. “I should be able to do everything, in my own.” That one has been HARD for me to get over, but I’m slowly doing it. When the 3 of us were down with COVID, so many friends helped us with meals and I finally accepted that people WANT to help us. I’m slowly getting better at asking for help, and accepting help that’s offered. Ten years of heating how I wasn’t worthy of love, help, acceptance…that all took a major toll…and even though I escaped that relationship in 2015 the effects are still with me. But I *am* worthy of love, help, acceptance…my therapist helps me remember that, as do my friends.