Spring 2021-Homeowner’s insurance left the area and I was told I needed new inspections to get a new policy holder. Got inspections, found out I needed a new roof, but I definitely didn’t have the money.

Summer 2021-Leak in my crawlspace, led to finding out about a whole slew of damage from long term moisture exposure, thanks to having no barrier from the ground moisture in my crawlspace. Everything from supports, through the floor, through the baseboards, through floor cabinets had to be removed, and replaced. *Remember, I don’t have insurance. Oh yeah, and my abusive ex filed a contempt charge on me, and wants to force me to sell the house.

Early fall 2021-While waiting to get estimates back, wood floors started buckling. My oldest dog was actively dying and we had to put him to sleep. Then we (my 2 kids, me, 2 dogs, 4 cats) moved into a hotel while the house was repaired and renovated. Yes, a hotel…2 queen beds, bathroom, kitchenette….ALL of us. No personal space, but we coped and (dare I say it) even enjoyed it sometimes. We were there 3 months. My dad fronted me the money for the hotel and all home repairs…it’s A LOT.

December 2021-Moved bath in the house without it being completed. Friends lent us a mini-fridge, mini-freezer, toaster oven/convection oven combo (we’ve had that since September), hot plates because the kitchen wasn’t done at all. Full bath wasn’t done either-no sink/vanity. Christmas weekend our dog, Rhett almost died after a reaction to Novox. He spent 2 days in the ER hospital, and it was over $2k.

January 2022 (Days 1-11)-Stormageddon, mostly outdoor cat came home with a huge abscess that required surgery and an overnight stay in the hospital which cost around $700; oh and then I found out he’s got FIV…so his life is about to drastically change. Took Rhett in for a limp, 3 days & some x-rays layer I found out he has bone cancer. Today he had his leg amputated; he’s resting at home and I’m crossing everything that the tests show some bone cancer other than osteosarcoma.

Tomorrow, January 12, 2022 is the court date regarding the house. I’ve started the refinancing process, and I have an attorney, so I’m cautiously confident. My house still isn’t finished, and my washer & dryer have also decided to kick the bucket. Throughout all this stress, we’ve also all had Covid (Aug), 2 of us had sinus/throat/ear infections at the same time, 1 kid has been dealing with bullying, and of course I’ve been dealing with my chronic shit. Oh, and I found out all the ductwork has to be replaced because “nothing up there is up to code.”

I’ve been stressed to the motherfucking max. I’ve called friends and family in tears. I’ve texted friends through anxiety attacks, and they kept me from spiraling. At any hour of the day or night, I could reach out on Twitter and someone would be there. Friends have not only lent me things, they’ve contributed money to vet bills, home repairs, DoorDash cards/restaurant cards while we were all sick & in the hotel. Friends have randomly reached out via text, messaging, and even sending gifts/cards through the mail. Family has made sure that we’ve been able to keep our house, and made sure that the kids got what they wanted for Christmas.

For about 10 years Preston slowly isolated and had me convinced that no one really wanted me. For so long, I believed him. Boy was he fucking wrong.

Even before all the previously discussed bullshit, there was B going to residential treatment for 6 mos, my Daddy having health issues and moving into assisted living, and J adjusting to COVID lockdown (while his sibling was in residential and we couldn’t visit because of COVID). At every turn, friends showed up for me…and that amazed me. Not because I have shitty friends, but because even after YEARS of being out of my abusive relationship I still struggle with feeling worthy of friendship & help. Yes, I realize how fucked up that sounds-I talk about it in therapy a lot.

I do not believe “everything happens for a reason” but I do look for reasons or silver linings; especially when a bunch of shit happens at once. I can now say without a doubt, that I’m not alone & that I am worthy of love. I can look back on this blog post the next time I hear that voice telling me “no one really likes you. No one really cares what happens to you.” And I’ll have proof to tell Karen (that’s the name of the mean voice in my head-it’s a therapy thing) she’s a fucking liar.