Bisexual, hetero-romantic. That’s the label that I settled on for myself, sometime last year; but then I thought maybe pansexual, heterosexual-romantic was more accurate. When it comes to sexual attraction, I’m all over the place but when it comes to relationships, I’ve only been with cisgender men. Lately I’ve wondered if the reason that I never think outside of “cisgender men” when it comes to relationships, is because I’ve never really had the chance to be in a queer relationship…and is it just too late now?

Since my preschool days, I only remember having boyfriends. And I was 100% brought up in a heteronormative environment, which also consisted of being brainwashed into believing that the ONLY valid romantic relationships were those that were between cisgender, heterosexual people. I also remember being young and having romantic/physical feelings for other girls. By the time I was in middle school, I pushed all of those feeling down into the deepest part of my subconscious.

Once I was in college, and on into my late-20s, I’d make out with girlfriends at parties & at bars, always using ‘alcohol’ as my excuse; honestly, I just wanted an excuse to make out with women…and I enjoyed it A LOT. Somehow that never translated to me seeing that I was actually queer (thanks homophobic cult upbringing).

Is it too late for me to start dating women now? Where do I even start? I don’t have a “type” when it comes to women I’m attracted to, and have idea where to even look for women to date (I also have no idea where to look for men to date). I feel cheated out of so much when it comes to this part of me, and I feel like I’m behind the curve…like if I found a woman and we started making out, I wouldn’t know what to do past second base. Do I just put myself out there? Would a secure queer woman be okay with the fact that I’m not coming out to my elderly father?

I have all these questions and insecurities holding me back from dating women, and honestly don’t know how to get over them. I’d really like to try though, because I don’t want to hide this part of me any more. And who knows, maybe the person of my dreams is a woman.