Is it depression caused by insomnia? Or insomnia and depression caused by a fibro flare? Is it a fibro flare caused by insomnia? Or depression? Or both? Ooooo, what if it’s an endo flare (my lower back really has been hurting)? Ugh, and is that a migraine coming on?

Remember that awkward time with a new friend? Yeah, that one…now never forget it, and make it the latest reason to not make new friends. No one really likes you any way; they’re just too nice to say it. (Okay, on my non-bad days I know this is 100% false; but on those BAAAAD days, I’m convinced that no one likes me…even family. )

Thank goodness Daddy {yes, that’s what I call my father, even at age 45}could help with all the house stuff! (Yeah, but you don’t really deserve the help.) Um, why the fuck not? (You know…you haven’t seen him in 2 years.) HELLO, COVID! (Well, and he’s in an assisted living place instead of you caring for him.) Hold on, his place is great and D is just a few miles away. (Whatever…it’s still not “home.”) Shut up.

Whew, parenting is rough but I’m doing pretty good. (Um, you just had to put yourself in a 3 hr time out last week.) Yeah, but I left before I could do/say something I couldn’t take back. And I went shopping. (Don’t you remember that you said…) Fuck, yeah but I apologized and we both took mental health days the next day, and literally talked it out. Plus, his doctor is sending those 2 referrals. (Fine, you’re not actively killing your kids.) Um, thanks?

Gah, I love the feel of my home; cozy, clean-ish, and it’s “me”. (It’s not Pinterest worthy.) So what? It’s “me” and I like it. (Really? Because you never invite anyone over to enjoy it.) Well, that’s because…okay, it’s because I haven’t been “Monica” in so long that I’ve forgotten how to entertain. (And because no one really likes you.) Well shit, yeah…that, too.

*And all of that is just a small reason of why I’m in therapy.