It was St. Paddy’s Day weekend in 2005, and I was in Savannah with 2 friends, ready to forget about the guy who’d dumped me a few months before…it was a brutal break-up that left me literally sick. I was looking forward to a weekend of fun, alcohol, and flirting with strangers. Late one night after drinking Long Island Teas, we found ourselves at a dive bar on Tybee Island…the kind that had several hot military guys in there on a pass. And then I saw Preston, and the rest is a bit of a blur…we talked at the bar, we drank, and we made out A LOT. For the first time since being dumped, I wasn’t thinking about Farmboy at all, because this hot 22-yr old (I was 29) Army Ranger was all about me. And he told the best stories, like he could read me like a book and knew exactly what to say. He told he was divorced, and had a 1-yr old son that his ex wouldn’t let him see (red flag #1). He love bombed me for the next several days and weeks, sending me text/emails/letters that were full of all the right things…how he was fighting for his son, how amazing I was, and he spun the best “hard life growing up” story. I fell for all of it because I was in such a vulnerable place emotionally, and I was so close to turning 30 yrs old…and because back then, he was hot as hell.

I went from an inattentive long-distance boyfriend who broke my heart, to a bad boy with (what I thought was) a good heart (boy was wrong). I thought his constant texts were cute and a way of showing his love. He wasn’t scared of commitment, and talked about a future for us. Everything moved quickly, like something from a rom-com. We were soulmates, and fate had brought us together. We communicated everyday since we lived hours away while he was in training at Ft. Benning, and I lived in Tuscaloosa, AL. When he knew I was out, he’d text or call wanting to make sure I was safe, which I thought was so sweet; of course it was just a way of controlling me. He wanted me to call or text when I got in, so that he knew I got home safely; again, that was not his true motive at all.

We met in March and by June I was leaving my job and home state, to move to Savannah, GA where I knew basically no one. Abusers are really good at secluding people, and the Army made it easier…and him being an Army Ranger, well that made it easy peasy lemon squeezy. I couldn’t talk to anyone about his work or tell them where he was, hell sometimes he couldn’t tell me. Everything was secret and private. My only local friends were coworkers and significant others of other Army Rangers. Work was so stressful for him, and I started to see all the chinks in his armor….the binge drinking, mood swings, excessive online gaming…but he always had excuses, and it always went back to his childhood and how much he’d had to endure. And I was always the only one who could help him heal, and he was always sorry. So how could I leave him when he needed me so much? After all, he was sorry and he wanted to change (or so I thought).