When I was 13/14 and swimsuit shopping with my mom, it was STRESSFUL. Being an evangelical, the restrictions were many and I couldn’t get the latest fashions because they were “immodest”.

Yesterday I took B swimsuit shopping and it was FUN, for both of us. We were at Target, and they started talking to an associate (who was absolutely incredible), trying to find bikinis. The associate asked me “are there any styles that you want them to avoid?” I replied immediately with “oh no, they can pick out whatever they want; it’s their body.” The two of them picked out like 4 bikinis, while chatting like old friends, about anime and video games. It was the cutest.

Then we went to try them on, and of course some pieces were too big or too small. Not a big deal, but there was no guarantee that I could find the exact same print…B said “It’s okay, you can pick the print. You make good style choice. I trust you.”

Parenting level unlocked. My tween trusts my style choices?! The child that has literally REFUSED to wear clothes that other people pick out, since about age 3 years?!

Y’all, the level of trust that symbolizes is so high. For literally as long as I can remember, B has had to choose their own clothes. Yes, even as a toddler. If they didn’t want to wear it, they would NOT wear it.

And now they trust me to not only pick out something to wear, but it’s a bikini!

I did not waste my shot, and I picked out a print to mix with another one. They loved it and kept it.

Tonight I mentioned to them how much that meant to me, and they said “well you’re the only one I trust like that, because you’re my mom.”

When I gained custody of B and J, they were 2.5 yrs and 1 yr old. B would NOT let me comfort them in any way. They would scream & rage, but would NOT let me touch them. They battled me at every turn. Attachment never really happened, and then once my abuser came back from deployment, shit went to hell.

B is almost 14 yrs old and we finally have a good relationship. It’s taken so much work on both of parts, and I’ve completely changed my parenting…it is WORK some days but my stars it’s worth it. It’s so different than the relationship I had with my parents. I’ve let go of trying to control them, and leaned into being supportive & non-judgmental. I apologize when I’m wrong, and make amends. In return I’m teaching them that it’s okay to be wrong, and it’s okay to make mistakes.

We don’t have many “rules” in our home; it’s more about treating each other with empathy. In general, there’s no question that I won’t answer (age appropriately of course), so both kids know that they can come to me and I’ve answered some interesting questions. I wish that my parents could’ve been that open with me.

So yeah, I’m cool and I’m proud of my parenting these days.