This should be our welcome mat. These past couple of weeks have been interesting (that’s me, reframing so that I’m not once again just complaining in my writings). I’ve come out of a low, and my anxiety has ramped up. 12, autistic, had been having a TOUGH time with emotional regulation, especially in the middle…
The Unbearable Weight of Existing
I've been kind of coasting along on autopilot, doing the things that I'm supposed to do...daily yoga, meditation, exercise, therapy, parenting, managing kids' issues, work, taking care of pets, bills, housework...thought I was doing all right but definitely not feeling like I'm functioning at 100%. On Wednesday while I went for a run I listened…
Trauma, The Gift That Keeps On Giving
Recently I watched Evan Rachel Wood’s documentary titled “Phoenix Rising” on HBOMax, and it wasn’t easy. If you haven’t watched it and won’t find it triggering, I highly recommend watching it because it so clearly explains the grooming process, love bombing, brain washing, and the whole awful cycle. The bravery that it took for her…
Green Flags
Ouch. I saw this on social media today and damn if it didn’t hit home. This is me. 100% I like to pretend that I’m low maintenance but nope, the truth is that I don’t believe that a partner would show up for me. (Especially with all the “no drama please” or “good vibes only”…
Touch
I want to be touched again, with my skin on fire, longing in those “in between” moments. Owning every feminine part of my being. Feeling free in those moments of ecstasy. Me, all of me, wonderfully satisfied. Desired. Content, and tired. The spinning wheel in my brain, stopped FINALLY. Touched by someone whose purpose is…
A Release
Two years ago, at the beginning of The Pandemic, B was in the midst of an emotional breakdown that led to long term hospitalization. Not only were they being hospitalized, the facility was out of state, and because of COVID no in-person visits were allowed. A total of 7 months of not getting to hug…
Too Tired to Title
There’s no light at the end of this tunnel, because this tunnel never ends. I’m an only parent, and I will always be their only parent. There’s no partner to tag in, when I’m totally depleted and exhausted in every sense of the word. No co-parent taking them every other weekend. No grandparents to take…
Airing of Grievances
I can’t finish renovations on my house, and can’t even hang stuff because some painting needs to be redone. All because my piece of shit, abusive ex-husband is trying to force me to sell. And the magistrate sided WITH HIM (poor disabled Veteran card, I’m sure), so now I have more to pay in attorney…
Who Are You?
I should watch this again “Who are you?” That’s a question I ask myself quite a bit. Being an only parent means that so much of my identity is based around my kids. But I’m more than that, though I frequently forget it. “Who are you?” What even IS that question? How can it answer…
It’s All a Simulation
*This has been sitting in "drafts' for about a week. I kept telling myself that I needed to tell the story of the last weekend with my abuser in the home, and then I kept not writing because I didn't feel like bringing up those feelings again right now. Instead y'all get funny stories about…
Deconstructed Yoga Mom 