I hate asking my family for help, like HATE. I feel like “the baby” of the family who got “everything handed to her”, and (allegedly had it so much easier than my (male) siblings. Yes I realize that’s typical sibling shit to say, but piggybacked on an evangelical upbringing that essentially teaches that men are…
Forgiving Myself
I’ve been listening to a podcast lately called Something Was Wrong, about recovering from emotional abuse; and the first season’s relationship is so similar to my relationship and marriage. There were so many red flags, and so many times I ignored my intuition; I was codependent, and he made me that way. We met in…
Narcissists Gonna Narc…or something like that
It’s Mother’s Day weekend. I *just* made it through a round of layoffs at work. Kids’ mental states & my mental state are pretty stable. Things are okay-ish. The hearing in front of the judge re: the house is in 2 weeks, and I haven’t given into my abuser. So of course he emails me…
Another Depressing Post Because My Life Is A Dumpster Fire Right Now and I’m Barely Coping
*Title in homage to Samantha Irby and her chapter titles (if you read this, I adore you) I’m in the middle of a massive fibromyalgia flare, which isn’t surprising given the amount of stress I’m under. At least I got to enjoy book club and some amazing Indian food before it hit; but let me…
The Unbearable Weight of Existing
I've been kind of coasting along on autopilot, doing the things that I'm supposed to do...daily yoga, meditation, exercise, therapy, parenting, managing kids' issues, work, taking care of pets, bills, housework...thought I was doing all right but definitely not feeling like I'm functioning at 100%. On Wednesday while I went for a run I listened…
A Release
Two years ago, at the beginning of The Pandemic, B was in the midst of an emotional breakdown that led to long term hospitalization. Not only were they being hospitalized, the facility was out of state, and because of COVID no in-person visits were allowed. A total of 7 months of not getting to hug…
Too Tired to Title
There’s no light at the end of this tunnel, because this tunnel never ends. I’m an only parent, and I will always be their only parent. There’s no partner to tag in, when I’m totally depleted and exhausted in every sense of the word. No co-parent taking them every other weekend. No grandparents to take…
Airing of Grievances
I can’t finish renovations on my house, and can’t even hang stuff because some painting needs to be redone. All because my piece of shit, abusive ex-husband is trying to force me to sell. And the magistrate sided WITH HIM (poor disabled Veteran card, I’m sure), so now I have more to pay in attorney…
Karen is a fucking liar
Spring 2021-Homeowner’s insurance left the area and I was told I needed new inspections to get a new policy holder. Got inspections, found out I needed a new roof, but I definitely didn’t have the money. Summer 2021-Leak in my crawlspace, led to finding out about a whole slew of damage from long term moisture…
The Shame of Poverty While Being a Single Mom
Watching and reading Maid by Stephanie Land resurrected memories of those rough couple of years after kicking out Preston. I was jobless (because he’d convinced me to quit my job and become his VA Caregiver, which never happened), living with C-PTSD from his decade of abuse, and he decided to just stop paying child support.…
Deconstructed Yoga Mom 